Friday, June 10, 2005

Birdie Kisses

A few days ago me and buddy headed out to the course. On the first tee, we were paired up with another twosome, and man and a woman. They were together, but weren't a couple - just coworkers who enjoyed playing golf together. Both were in their 50s. The woman was an old golf broad. You know the type. Weathered from too much time in the sun on the golf course; big gray hair; loud, and smelling slightly of beer. An old golf broad.

None of us got off to a particularly good start. I was easily the best player in the group, but wasn't making anything. Finally, after 8 holes, someone makes a birdie. And it's the old golf broad. When the putt falls, she yells out, "Birdie kisses!" And she and her coworker/golf buddy exchange a kiss on the lips.

Hmm, that's interesting, I thought. Then the old golf broad walked over to my friend. Smack on the lips. Hmm, that's interesting, I thought ... that's kind of strange ... that's ... wait, is she coming after me now? She was! It was like a car wreck - everything in slow motion. She appeared like the runners on the beach in "Chariots of Fire" as she got closer to me. And then, smack, a birdie kiss (complete with sweaty upper lip and Banana Boat scent).

I spent the rest of the round intentionally misreading putts.

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